THE HILARY HENINGER

I haven’t really been one for embracing a gratitude practice. I have been at best dismissive of the practice and at worst condescending about it. I think the part of me that grew up with deep criticism as a way to create connection, and often subconsciously how I spoke to myself (still do sometimes), I was quick to dismiss it.

Although I didn’t grow up with lovey-dovey, ‘free hugs’ type of parenting or relationship dynamics, I have learned how good it feels to give it away freely. In my closest circle I have and do show gratitude for those people that I love and care about. In fact, I feel like my girlfriends, friends, kids, and maybe an ex or two (if you know you know) have taught me the greatest lessons in gratitude. The universe has had my back in more ways than I can count and as I sifted through a million memories today in my photos it was so apparent how grateful I am for the places, people and experiences I have had. I can also say that many of the people in these categories have changed my life in significant ways. To speak from your heart and let people know. To shower my kids with ‘I love you’s’ and praise. Hugs and kindness. I can’t imagine parenting any other way.

My girlfriends and other relationships feel the same. I no longer hesitate to tell people I love and appreciate them. Unfortunately it took me to adulthood to understand and build that habit.

I try not to hesitate or overthink letting someone know.

While there is a lot I am still learning, one thing is for sure, life is short and it can feel terribly hard at times. We have enough in our own heads to deal with that I never want people to wonder how I feel about them. I always assume our own voices take care of enough potential for criticism that we don’t need to add to it.

As I have worked at developing habits that move me more into alignment and conscious living I have started to practice these things daily. After all, we are the product of thousands of micro decisions we implement each and every day. We are not the ‘once a year marathon’ we want to run. We are the daily grind.

I think when I originally pondered the idea of a gratitude practice it felt incomplete. Almost half hearted in a way. Sure I can show gratitude for my daily appreciations but I feel like there are so many more things that I need to remind myself about at the same time. Like where I’m going and the parts of me that I can count on to get me there.

So while I have started a gratitude practice, it has come with friends. Namely, goals and gifts.

I have big goals this year. To be fair, I have always had them but in so many ways have been outsourcing my confidence and inadvertently seeking permission to go after them or believe they were possible. In the same breath I have so many gifts to offer the world. It’s weird how we shrink to make space for others. I don’t even think its external sometimes, which feels worse. Sometimes I feel like we shrink to make space for the voice in our head.

I also believe our goals are only possible when we use our gifts. At the intersection of what we are most naturally inclined and enjoy is likely the answer to what we do best. You can see it when you start to speak about the things that light you up. The spark. The shift in energy. The way you come alive. The parts of you that you chalked up to a hobby or idea or just something you ‘like to do’ in your spare time. The creativity we buried in a drawer of art supplies, our ability to creatively master our finances, or the way we read people that allows us to connect so deeply. Creativity is no longer understood by the pre-school definition, relegated to the service of arts and crafts. The ways in which we can embody our craft is endless if we give it enough attention.

So I am committed to a year of this new practice. To see how it honors all parts of me and not just the ones that are supposed to be humble. To embrace the parts of me that come alive with passion and confidence and energy when I embrace them. To recognize that a gratitude practice can be a habit about humility and celebration all at once.